adrift….

It was three years to the day that my husband had died. I was on the top level of the Disney Wonder, New Years Eve 2004. My parents had given myself and my three siblings, and our families the trip as our Christmas gift that year. Just before midnight I had made my way to the top deck to see the fireworks. We were in the Bahamas, the air was warm with a breeze,and the Ocean was stirring beneath us as we coasted along looking towards the Island that was shooting up the beautiful display of firework lights that lasted but a moment and faded.

My heart was heavy- and I felt like every breath was just like the movements all around me. My emotions were undulating like the waves beneath me, my heart was beating like the fireworks one right after the other- but with the underlying feeling that each beat was fading to nothing…. suddenly I realized that the fireworks were done and the people that were crowded on deck had left, I was literally almost the only one standing there on the upper deck- It was then that I looked UP… I expected to see only darkness, but instead I saw the faint twinkling of the stars. I took a deep breath, really deep- and exhaled as slowly as I could… I had survived another “anniversary” of Billys’ death. My heart shifted from a deep ache as thoughts that we just had a memory of fireworks as I was remembering my Billy! And now as I looked into the heavens the twinkling stars were not fading- they were and are enduring light- they would be there tomorrow and the next day… sure somedays there would clouds blocking their light, there would be storms that might make me forget their gentle glow- but they would endure- just as I was enduring… I was making it through.

Looking into the heavens, staring into that vast open sky of darkness with twinkling stars- I found I was enveloped by Gods Love- It was like He blanketed me with His presence- I knew I was going to be more than Ok. I was not alone. I had found comfort in His creation in the middle of the Ocean-

I found a PRICELESS GIFT…

Peace, and the tangible understanding that Love never fades- It propels us to take the next step, and the next…

*(picture from wedding day July 88)